Closure... a word that means little to some, but a lot to me... tonight, I finally have it for real this time... I guess no matter how intense the psychiatrist sessions are, certain people never will change...
Life comes and goes, but its the memories we make, that guide our lives forever... Those who we love, and who love us, will keep our legacy alive even after we are gone... Sometimes, however there are memories we wish we would of never had... I know I wish I could take back a lot of things, however I can not... I am glad in a sense with what has happened... Life teaches us a lot, and however hard we wish there was a replay button or an erase button, sadly there isnt... Why do bad things happen to good people? Its the one question, in my opinion, that will never be answered...
As much as I try to see the good in people, sometimes, there isn't good in a person... As much as I have struggled with my own faith and whats real, there is one fact that I will not deny... the fact that there is good, and evil in the world... Maybe the past two years were a test, and now its on to bigger and better things... One can only hope, and that's for sure what I need to focus on.... Doors are always going to open and close, but how do we know what door to choose next? Am I setting myself up for failure, or am I going through the door that will bring only happiness?
Happiness, I think we can all agree, is something everyone strives for. What and how we get it, are completely up to us... No matter how optimistic you are, shattered pieces cannot always be fixed... I have come to realize this, with the help of a couple different people... Sometimes, no matter how careful we are, shards of glass are still sharp and will cut you... its always better to sweep up the pieces, and move on...
There is always someone out there, that even when you are having a bad day, can and will put a smile on your face. Its inevitable, a text, or picture, or a simple reminder from that person is all that you need to make the pain go away. The scary thing is, is it real? or is it an illusion, a mindset of things are better. Neither is a defiant, or a good answer, but is delusion just a better state to be in than the real life? Is happiness a state of being, or is it a physical anomaly. I would like to think its a mixture of both... An amazing guy once told me he's searching for his happy spot... and it got me thinking... what technically is a happy spot? is it a place, a goal, or what exactly?
When I think of my happy spot, I like to picture myself, with a family of my own... Me and my partner are truly in love, and financially stable, raising our kids, living life, being happy... who or where that is, is a mystery, but we all strive for it... I've always said that I want to live on or near a beach, but when it boils down to it, a beach doesnt guarantee happiness... surrounding yourself with family, and friends, and your loved ones is true happiness... sometimes love needs to result in heartbreak in my opinion.
love is blind, and it surly was for me... If I had not gone through what I went through, I don't think I would be in the position I am in now. I am getting my life back on track, I have amazing friends back in my life that I never thought I would have, a family that I know will be there for me through everything, and I am now talking to this amazing guy whom I never probably would of met if I hadn't gone through what I did. Life is funny and horrible that way.
The sayings "What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger" and "Wipe the dirt off and keep going" come to mind here... I've been scared to death the past couple times, I can't even count how many times in the early morning hours I called my parents because I was afraid I was going to die... but it taught me a lot about survival, I stuck with it through the worst part, that I can survive anything. I've been covered in dirt (metaphorically) for the past two years, and it honestly feels great to finally wipe it all off, breath clean air, and know I survived.
Life comes at you like a freight train, and its the choices that you make in it that shows character. Will you stand up for what you believe in, or will you coward and jump off to the side, missing the real journey to life? I've been jumping out of the trains way for far too long, Its time I stand up and face everything, leave no demons from my past to break me. Honestly, it feels so good to finally be where I am. I have a great family, and great friends that I can always count on to be there for me.. Now is the time I finally start my new chapter and new life, full on, no reservations, and I hope that this great guy will be there with me, all the way through it.
Until next time
ERICfreakingfabulousGENE
Eurieka hes figured it out. good for you. keep walking this path.
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