So, its been a long, long process... moving on, but sometimes, you cant pass up life.. You need to move on from the demons, ghosts from your past... in order for true happiness to sink in... Thank you Farmer Jack for this insight... I blogged last about closure, and its something that I do have, but closure doesn't always equal moving on. Everyone searches for love, but what is love?
I know what I went through, and to say that it wasn't love, would be a lie... I did love him, and I will always have a spot of love for him, regardless what is said... Love, however will make you do crazy shit... I do talk a lot of shit and dwell on the bad in my past, but I can't do it anymore... focusing on the bad, is not beneficial nor condusive to anything.. So I would like to take this time to clear some things up...
My relationship with my ex, wasn't in all the way bad... We have several good times... We use to be the envy of everyone... Everyone wanted to have the relationship we had... We both truly did love each other, and cared deeply for each other... Its something that I don't think either one of us will ever out grow. Do I still think of him? Yes, he was my best friend and family for two years, you can't just cut that out of your life... Would you cut your mom, or dad, or grandparent out of your life? As much as you may think you can, or have tried and said you would, you can't... Its the same concept here... When we were good, we were amazing, but when we were bad, all hell would break loose... We were just too different of people, and in too different a place in our lives to be successful with a relationship, we moved way too fast, and that also was destructive... Within the first week of us seeing each other we had practically started living together, then life came at both of us full swing, and I honestly do not think either one of us were in a place to deal with it all, so we fell back on each other, but then we started blaming each other for our own faults... and it escalated from there... obstacle after obstacle came our way, and we had no idea how to handle it... things got way out of hand, and it was the ultimate end of our relationship...
I do not wish him anything but success in life... Holding a grudge will only prolong emotions i need to set free... I honestly in a sense want to thank him... Without being in this relationship, I dont think I would be at the level I am today... I see what I could of had, living pay check to pay check, no money, miserably depressed (not because of my ex mind you)... and I can't do that... Because of this, I am now in school, trying to better myself... and honestly, I don't think anyone can harbor bad feelings on that... I know this is another heavy post, but Its me being honest with myself, and my friends and family, and it needs to be said, I believe, in order for me to complete the phase of moving on... If my ex reads this, I am not trying to reach for an appology, but I want to say thank you, and I am sorry for everything that I've caused you...
until next time
ERICfreakingfabulousGENE
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