You with the sad eyes...

So, I start school in less than two weeks :\ I'm still pretty uncertain still... Its a major step, and I have been out for five years, so its kind of putting me into a panic attack and anxiety is starting to settle in... and its starting to become more real... Is this really what I want to be doing? or what exactly do I want to do?

On a different note, I've been listening to "True Colors" on repeat the past couple days, hence the title for this blog (insert gay cliche' here)... it reminds me a lot of shit going on in my life and I'm not sure what or how to think... Am I really making the right choice in my life... I tried everything I could think of to try and save us, and I couldn't. Was it me that was the problem? I will agree I am a very difficult and stubborn person, but at the same time, I don't feel that I should of gone through everything I went through... If love is really like that, who would want it? Why would anyone want to suffer through it? Looking back, I do wish I would of ran every chance he gave me. Maybe I have so much regret because I can't forgive myself. I was so infatuated with being in love and being with him, that I refused to see what harm was going on. He could do no wrong  because I love him. And now, regardless of how bad I don't want to think about him, I can't. He was my family, my friend, my everything for two years. We had bad times, a lot, but we did have really good times as well. I just want peace in my life, and it seems impossible to find it, I don't know what to do either...


Everything has me questioning everything about my happiness... Will I even be able to find true happiness now? I have been talking to someone that makes me very happy, and I really enjoy talking to him, its just the distance part that sucks. Its almost as if I am setting myself up for failure. Its hard, esp when I wear my heart on my sleeve... I come off strong and abrasive but its not intentional. I am who I am, and I'm not going to be someone different. If someone doesn't like it, I really am sorry but I don't care

Well this has been a pretty heavy serious blog... I swear it wont happen often so until next time...

PS. I MISS MY KYLIE WILEY, MY SCARLET COCK :(

ERICfreakingfabulousGENE